The following was written my my way home last night from my first "first date" in forever.
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For anyone reading this who may have a first date in their future, I have a few of my own "do nots" for you....
- Do not be afraid to be over dressed.
- Do not interrupt her while she's talking.
- Do not make her buy her own drinks if YOU asked HER out. (This goes the other way around too!).
- Do not talk about dying relatives.
- Do not ask your date if she wants kids some day (its too early in the "relationship").
- Do not ask if you've caught her on the rebound.
- And most of all do not leave the house without brushing your teeth.
Now let me start off by saying it was good to "get back on the horse". The first time after a break up is the hardest. And while I'm glad I got it done and over with on some level it was a complete BUST!
So where to start?
Maybe I'm a little old fashioned but I feel like when I ask you "Where do you want to go?" you should have an opinion!
He asked me out and just kept saying "wherever you want to go" but even after I narrowed it down to two locations STILL couldn't tell me which he preferred. I even recommended he check out the websites - this might have also helped him realize old faded jeans, stained t-shirt and running shoes was going to make him look under dressed. It was a first date, I didn't pick a place (and yes, I eventually picked where we went) with a dress code but wear a button down shirt or at least one that fits and isn't stained!
Before I left for my date I mentioned being so nervous I could throw up - a friend recommended hitting my date's shoes and not his tie (because a tie is harder to clean). Well there was no tie and his sneakers looked like someone else had beat me to the vomiting.
Okay, attire aside (because we didn't discuss clothing quality/expectations before the date)...can we talk about bad breath and yellow stained teeth? Can we talk about not using the word "prick" or the phrase "like African...you know not African American but real Africa" when describing stretched earlobes, using air quotes while talking about his sister's Life Partner or talking about his dying brother in a flippant "he's a smoker" manner.
Gentleman (and Ladies) let me insert this - sometimes when people (i.e., me) are nervous they talk. Talking doesn't equal "not nervous" and thus do not interrupt your date to say "You aren't nervous".
It is also natural for a conversation to flow from topic to topic and change direction. It is not okay to cut the other person off and say "Well back to what you asked me a few minutes ago..." It's rude and makes the person (me) feel like what they (I'm) saying is unimportant and not worth hearing.
Yes, I have my first "first date" under my belt. However if it did anything it reaffirmed my belief in:
1) Long Distance Relationships can and are a good thing
2) Meeting single Portland men online isn't for me.
3) Breaking up with my ex might have been the worse thing I could have ever done.
I'm going to bed now regretting the past few months and wishing I could wash the date out of my mind.