Be Yourself

The other night we watched Summer Magic, which is one of my mother's favorite movies. However, ever since I've had the music stuck in my head!! (Don't you hate that?)

One song in particular "Femininity"... and while I love this movie this song just makes me twitch.

Now I realize this was filmed in the sixties and was staged for the turn of the century... so things have changed a lot. But it's amazing how many of the things (suggested in the song) women today still let rule their life.

Walk feminine
Talk feminine
Smile and beguile feminine
Utilize your femininity
Act shy and sigh feminine
Compliment his masculinity

 Gag me...

Don't get me wrong. I consider myself a "feminine" woman. I like make-up and high heals and looking nice. But I don't do it because I think "That's what every girl should know, if she wants to catch a beau".

I do it because I like how it makes me feel about myself. I realize some people may disagree. May say I've been brainwashed by the multibillion dollar industries of cosmetics and fashion.

And maybe I have. But I just know that on days when I'm in yoga pants, no make-up and my hair just tossed up I feel a bit on the scrubby side. I feel more together when I look more together.

HOWEVER, I don't (and haven't) done it to win a man. Heck, my "beau" and I met with a computer screen between the two of us at first (read our love story here) so really, dolling myself up day after day to find a man who wants me to hide the real me (song lyric "Hide the real you")... just makes me sick.

This isn't just something "old time values" encourage either. In an iVillage article "How to Find a Boyfriend: 15 Tips from Professional Matchmakers" the following "tips" were suggested (only the disturbing ones are listed):

1. Be realistic: If you look like Roseanne, don't fixate on finding a Tom Cruise look-alike (WTF!! I didn't realize we lived in a world of appearance based "classes" and that physical appearance was the number one "compatibility" measurements)

3. Make dating a priority: ..the self-described "cupid in a Chanel suit" ...suggests that clients approach finding the right man as they would a job hunt. So the tip continues to talk about how you never know when you'll find that special someone and that you should always look your best. And in a far-fetched way I can see how that connects to job hunting... but I more-or-less just get an image of a woman out on the Serengeti hunting down her prey.

11. Be a girl:My male clients also complain that women often come across as masculine -- dressing in stiff suits and debating their date on everything from what wine to order to world affairs to who gets the check. Interesting. Since when is unfeminine to be a wine enthusiast? Or to care about world affairs? Or want to split the check? Okay. I agree don't fight over these things but having an opinion isn't masculine or feminine. And expressing my opinion doesn't make me any less of a girl.

I'm not going to hide who I am any more than I'm going pretend to be who I'm not (and yes I think these two are different). If someone is "turned off" by who I am (the whole package) then they obviously aren't the one I'm meant to (or would want to) be with. 

When are we going to start teaching our children that it's okay to be exactly who they are? That they don't have to paint their faces and put on costumes to make people like them. 

That it's okay to just be yourself. 


  1. Wow O.o

    This was a great post and I completely agree with you. I was left speechless after I watched that clip from Summer Magic (I've never seen it before).

    And those tips from the iVillage article...Geez. #3 bothers me the most, I think. Make dating a *priority*?!? REALLY?

  2. I don't wear makeup or heels, but I do still style my hair and dress girlie. But I do it because I want to. If I were dressing to catch a guy then I think more skin would be visible. Being a woman is tough.
    Great post. :D

  3. Great post. I can see where some of the things may appear realistic to the writers of the article. But it's messed up. Being yourself is right- how can one possibly succeed in a relationship where they have to put on an act all the time? Or wear certain clothes or makeup or whatever? If they can't handle you the way you are- move the hell on.

    And why should you have to self-evaluate your physical appearance before seeking out someone you're interested in? That's just encouraging self-esteem issues. If you look like Roseanne, but you don't know you do, why should you have to sit and think about it and then feel like shit?


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