The Week S.O.F.A.R.

If you aren't familiar with this weekly posting the Week S.O.F.A.R. (Saturdays Ongoing Facebook Article Recap)... if you didn't know Caution! Reality Check is also on facebook. It's a chance for me to share other amazing articles and fashion posts. As well as funny and inspirational quotes.

Zip on over and "Like" us today.

Here's what we have this week:

21 Pictures That Will Restore Your Faith in Humanity - And they definitely did. Some made me (almost) cry.

What Curvy Girls Say about Their Curves - And by curves they do mean all shapes and sizes.

101 Books to Read This Summer Instead of '50 Shades of Gray' - Please. Please. Please. Read something else.

5 minute Nail Polish Remover Tutorial - It's not so much a tutorial as a great beauty tip to help you not waste a dozen cotton balls. I can't wait to give it a try.

31 Insanely Easy and Clever DIY Projects - Most of this is amazing DIY projects but there are a few I'd rather just go pay a little extra for a store-bought version. 

The Slow Fade

I originally had an idea to write a blog today about how common courtesy and manners (when it comes to rejection) don't seem to exist when it comes to online dating. 

How it apparently is perfectly acceptable to just stop emailing or instant messaging (if you've reached that level) with someone without any communication. No "sorry I've met someone else and we've really hit it off" or "I just don't feel the chemistry. Good luck"...nothing. 

Just silence.

Now I realize that two or three emails and a couple of hours of chatting online doesn't give me any right to feel entitled or have made a strong enough connection to feel "hurt". To me it's just rude. Whatever happened to manners?

Then this morning I was reading A Cup of Jo and she wrote about "The Slow Fade" ... when you just stop calling someone back, not answering their calls, etc after you've gone out for a few dates/hookups/etc.

Really?
People do this in real life too?
*sobs*

Nothing against Joanna - she even says she only did it when she was younger and now is happily married. 

But it made me realize that this isn't just a "young and stupid" (read: asshole) thing people do. It's still happening and I just don't understand. 

No. No one likes rejecting others (okay usually people don't enjoy rejecting others) and vice verse no one likes being rejected.

HOWEVER! 

That doesn't mean that politeness, communication and courtesy needs to be thrown out the window and you can just disappear into the morning mist. 

Grow a set of balls/ovaries and just say you're not interested. Sheesh. It's not that hard.

To Die For? Or Not Caught Dead In?

Would you die for this in your closet or would you be caught dead first? Yay or nay?

YourBoyToy

I sometimes wonder what is going through people's minds when they sit down to write their dating profile and handle name. 

A few days ago I received a smile saying "You're cute" from YourBoyToy*

My first thought was I'm not looking for a "boy-toy" but I'm not going to turn someone down based solely on their handle. 

So I went ahead and looked at his profile text. 

This is what I read:

Wow!

What do you say to that? 

So to be nice I sent a smile back that just said "Thank you". (Just because I wasn't interested doesn't mean that I have to be rude. Just because it's online doesn't mean we shouldn't still "reject" people politely). 

This afternoon I received another smile from YourBoyToy saying "If you upgrade we can chat" (to clarify smiles can be sent by anyone but to email someone the sender must be a paid member... meaning he's telling me if I pay to email then I can chat with him.... guess he really is looking for a "sugar-momma")

At first I thought I'd just ignore him but I guess there was a bit of fire/feistiness inside me today because I did email him (I am already a paying member) the following:

"So I did get your smiles. But I have to let you know I found your profile very off putting. I'm not looking for a boy-toy and while I may or may not agree with you about physical intimacy in a relationship, having sex be the main portion of your bio was a turn off. I'm looking for a relationship not a sex toy."

Something tells me I probably won't be hearing from YourBoyToy anytime soon. 

*I removed the ending of this handle to allow for further anonymity for the poor schmuck  

Dear Men using Online-Dating Websites

Even this smile is better than none.

Please smile in your photos.

Not smiling makes you look like you're being forced to post a profile.

You don't look like a hard-ass.

You don't look like a 'bad-boy'.

Don't try ask me "what's the point" or try and  tell me that "good guys finish last" and all women are looking for assholes anyway.

Smiles make us think you're having a good time... that you enjoy life and are looking for someone to enjoy it with. 

You wouldn't get very far in a bar (or wherever you go) picking up women if you approached them with a giant scowl on your face now would you? What makes you think it would work online?

See! Even Al Capone smiled in his mugshot!!

It doesn't matter if you're a "giant teddy bear" or the "nicest guy you'll ever meet". If your picture looks like a mug shot or an FBIs most wanted poster I'm not even going to open your profile (hell even some FBI most wanted posters have the creep smiling).

Please even if you think you are a hard-ass, hate your smile, have no teeth... try to smile in at least your main picture. 

Sincerely, 

Me (on behalf of all women you're trying to pick up online)

The Week S.O.F.A.R.

Plus-size trends to watch: 5 Ways to Wear Stripes - Stripes are my nemesis. I have one or two pieces that have stripes and when I see a piece in the store all I can see is looking like a circus tent. I'm going to have to just suck it up and try these out.

Plus-size Beauty Pageant in Israel - (video) Fabulous!

Big Step Forward

I wanted to share with you all a "big step forward" (relationship wise) I experienced today.

Today I closed the door with The Ex* forever.

I had a busy morning full of meetings and when I returned to the office I had an instant message from him saying hi. We had a few moments of small talk "hi. how are you?" blah blah blah. 

I figured he was the one who messaged me I was going to wait and see what he wanted... silence. 

So I curtly asked him what he wanted. 

Me: "What you don't want to talk to me?"

I told him it wasn't that but that I was confused. I asked him why he was writing me. 

Him: "IDK"

*sigh* 

Okay... fine. 

Leave it to me. 

I then went into how it just hurt too much to talk to him. That we broke up because we wanted different things in life and that I couldn't keep allowing myself to be hurt again and again by us continuing to go back and forth when I knew it would just eventually end in another break up. 

Me: "Does that make sense?"

Him: "No"

*sigh*

Okay... let's try again.

I felt like I was trying to explain this to a child. 

"I want to get married. Have a baby. You don't". I explained (the best I could) that I couldn't be with someone who didn't want the same things in life. 

His response "I don't want to get married or have kids"**

*sigh*

Lord give me patience. 

"I know. Which is why even though I love you I can't keep doing this. We want different things." I then told him I wished him all the best and happiness in the world... and that I loved him. 

Him: "Ok"

And with that I closed the message window and a major chapter in my life. 

*               *               *

The friends I told afterwards were proud of me. 

I'm proud of me too. 

It was one of the hardest things I've had to do... turning and walking away from the man who first helped me realize I should love myself as a plus-size woman. The first (real) relationship I've had since my highschool sweetheart. From a man I could have spent forever with. 

But I know what I want in life and I know that it isn't fair to myself (or him)  to be with someone who fundamentally wants different things. 

So, hopefully this means I can truly move forward. 

Yay me. 

*               *               *

*In the past I've referred to him as "the (ex) BF" but after today, after truly closing the door, he will be known as "The Ex"

**Let me just say that this no marriage tune is a fairly recent development. I've spent three years having this man email, text, message me saying he wanted to marry me, asking me if I wanted to marry him, and straight up proposals. I always told him I wanted him to ask in person. 

"Want to be my Girlfriend?"

Sounds sweet, old fashioned, something that should be followed with being pinned or given his letterman varsity jacket right after sharing a shake at the malt shop.

 Except when the question comes
only a DAY after meeting online!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yes, you read that correctly. I was asked this morning (by a man I'd been emailing with - a total of four emails - through an online dating site) if I "wanted[ed] to be [his] girlfriend".... Um? NO!!

Aside from the fact that when I say "emailing" I mean me asking questions and getting misspelled one word answers in return.  How about the fact that I only know his first name? And that he traveled a lot as a kid. No deep, hours long conversations about values and priorities. No asking me anything about myself or my likes/dislikes. 

Yikes!! I mean I'm sure he meant well but it came off as creepy and naive. (and don't worry this person doesn't have my full name, identifying information or even my regular email address).

Aside from Mr. Moves-to-Fast; I think the sentiment was sweet. Officially asking if someone to be their special someone. These days this question doesn't seem to be asked anymore. Becoming boyfriend/girlfriend (or bf/bf or gf/gf or bf/gf/bf whatever) happens after a few dates and is usually more of a conversation about whether or not you're going to see other people. 

We no longer live in a time of courtship and woo-ing. What ever happened to sending a bouquet of flowers "just because"? Or opening doors? Or being wined and dined before trying to jump in the sack?

Is that really so much to ask?

It hasn't been that long since the (ex)BF and I broke up. And I'm not looking for a letterman jacket, promise ring kinda commitment just yet. But I am looking for someone who is willing to get to know me. Isn't just looking to get his kicks...or whatever it was Mr. Moves-to-Fast was wanting (my kidneys probably).

The Week S.O.F.A.R.

The Perfect Pin Up Red Lips Tutorial - I love the red lip look but am not the biggest fan of lipstick. Which is why I fell in love when I found Burt's Bees has tinted lip balm. Red lips with out the lipstick.

6.6 Million Young Adults Insured Because of Obamacare - as someone who went all of her college years without any insurance I know how much I would have appreciated something like this back then. I'm all for socialized medicine and anyone who disagrees...well then I'll just start sending my medical bills to you.

How to smuggle Alcohol (or other contraband) into an Outdoor Concert - I never would have though of an empty (and cleaned) suntan lotion bottle...my boobs sure but a suntan lotion bottle? They may call it "amateur" but I call it "genius"

Teacher Forgets Student's Name, says, "Go sit down, black boy"  - This is just the first time a child stood up and said something. How does the school know she hasn't been using terms like this her entire career. This is completely shocking and she deserves to be dismissed.

My Body Doesn't Bend Like That - Wait? Really? Now all those looks I get on the street makes sense... (JK)

Canadian Plus-Size Fitness Company Doesn't Allow Skinny People because They "Bring Down Morale" - While I can see (kind of) where they were coming from saying an entire "subgroup" of people (whether skinny, plus-size, black, white, young, old) 'brings down morale' is narrow minded and discriminatory.

Cover Your Cleavage for Takeoff: Southwest Airlines Screw up Again - way to go assholes. I used to fly Southwest all the time because of their prices...that was before they got on the role of insulting and kicking everyone off their planes. Now I'll never fly Southwest again. 

Accepting Self Beauty

I am not really sure how to start this blog....

I know that this sounds silly and almost conceded but I'm starting to believe that maybe I can be (and am) beautiful. I'm not talking about knowing I'm beautiful on the inside. I'm talking about being seen by others as beautiful. Which is a whole new concept and idea to me. I didn't grow up being told I was beautiful. I was the smart one, the achiever, the teachers pet, a mini-adult any grown up could talk to.

I know it seems silly to complain about this; especially when so many girls these days are growing up thinking they're only accomplishment is their looks, when toddlers clothes look like runway model underwear. But there's the other side of the coin. The little girls like me who never hear/d they were beautiful and have grown up into adults who don't know that they are. That they are worthy of compliments and knowing how to accept these compliments.

Grass is always greener I know but as the sister who is tired of hearing how gorgeous her younger sister is. As the best friend who always felt like the homely brainy one as boys fell at her friends feet. Now that I am (almost) thirty, rejoining the singles world, browsing dating sites and getting emails like:  "You're beautiful", "I find you sexy", even "You're gorgeous".... I just am a little overwhelmed I've never heard this before. 

It's not an easy thing to hear, say, think or really believe. Not when you've spent practically two decades believing otherwise. Believing that you got lucky to find someone who was willing to go out with you, always having this small voice inside wondering what would happen if someone prettier/skinnier came along. 

Don't get me wrong. It's not like I've never received a compliment before. But it's always about someTHING - clothes, accessories, etc.

"I like that dress you're wearing"

"Those are pretty earrings"

"Nice eye makeup"

Never about me. About my person. Always about a product or object I just happen to be the hanger for at the time. 

I know through this blog I talk a good game about loving yourself no matter what your size. And that's something I have come to embrace and be okay with over the years... but being comfortable in your own skin and finding that skin beautiful isn't the same thing. 

Maybe this is the beginning of a new journey for me. Being able to look at pictures of myself and instead of seeing a plain/boring/nothing special person I'll, I guess, see someone beautiful. 

So here's to loving yourself. 

Inside and Out.

"New" Posts

Thanks to Amanda, over at "Worthy of Love", I found out how to import my blog entries from my other/old blogs into this one.

My original blog, "Surviving 20Something", that I created when I turned 27 and realized I was only a few years away from 3-0 and struggling to find my place in "adulthood"as well as my food blog of restaurant reviews, recipes and food articles called "Epicurean Enthusiast ... all of which have been merged into this fabulous blog.

So take some time and skim back through last year of entries to find new posts you haven't read before.

Oh! And Welcome to anyone who has been redirected to this new(er) blog.

Farewell Epicurean Enthusiast

So I've debated this before...closing down this blog that is...and I even once wrote a farewell blog. However, I had second thoughts and deleted it before anyone could (hopefully) read it.

But here I am again.

However, because I am such a foodie I know that food will leak over into the other blog. So if you've enjoyed me here please feel free to zip over to Curves and a Camera.

Farewell my fellow foodies.

NOISE POLLUTION

I think when people talk about or hear the term "noise pollution" they think of traffic jams, living under or next to an airport, crying babies in restaurants, etc. However, when I think of noise pollution I think of those obnoxious assholes on the train who are listening to their music sans headphones.

If you live in a city with public transportation you know what I'm talking about. 

People with their smart phones (or even what I like to call "dumb phones" that still play music) on, playing music as loud as they can and annoying everyone around them by not wearing headphones. 

It doesn't even matter WHAT music they're listening to. It could be my FAVORITE song in the whole wide world but the little speakers just don't make it sound good. Not to mention I DON'T WANT TO LISTEN TO YOUR MUSIC AT 8AM ON MY WAY TO WORK!!!!

Go to the Dollar Store and buy a lousy 99 cent pair of headphones and USE THEM!!!

Sweet Jesus! 

I'm tempted to go and buy a bunch and keep them in my purse to hand them out to these creeps with a giant sweet smile and say "Help prevent noise pollution" and go on my way. 

I swear one of these days I'm just going to throw someone's phone out the goddamn window!

Rebounding.

Its been about three weeks since the (ex) BF and I broke up. When we split it was because I was tired of waiting, tired of feeling like my heart was a yo-yo, tired of broken promises and sudden unexpected and unpleasant surprises. It's been far from the breakup experience I expected. 

No crying and no tears. Broken hearted feelings haven't really peaked their head. 

More anger, frustration, feeling that I'd been blind the last three years. Thinking I'd been misreading signs and mishearing loving phrases. 

The day after (?) the BF and I broke up I wrote to a guy I'd met online ("the lawyer"), the last time the BF and I had broken up. The Lawyer pops back into my life occasionally looking for a little hanky-panky. Normally I'm not one to jump into the sack with a man I don't know, but the emotions and anger I was feeling made me think "hey maybe I do need a rebound man".

Well his work takes him traveling and for good or bad wasn't in town the weekend after my relationship crumbled. This last weekend however, The Lawyer finally came home (he lives just over the river in Vancouver). 

However, enough time has passed that I'm not looking for a rebound. I'm not looking unemotional physicality. I'm tired of feeling like the only men I attract are the ones who want to get into my pants.  I'm ready to feel like someone wants to spend time with me and that it's not just because of my tits and ass. 

I'm tired of being someone's now and then and am looking to find someone to be my, and me his, number one.  I'm not looking to fall in love again so soon. But just to be treated like a lady and to be made to feel special.

So maybe the concept of a rebound just isn't for me, just as I'm not a one-night stand or booty-call kinda girl. 

The Week S.O.F.A.R.

An Oasis of Racially Diverse Television is Right Under our Noses - Yes, but I'm not about to start watching Nickelodeon and Disney for racially diverse tv programs.

Nun Writes Sex Book Praising Female Masturbation - Hell if I was married to God I'd be writing books about masturbation too.

Ten Very Good Reasons You Aren't Married - You mean it's okay I'm not married and popping out babies every other year? Whodda thunk. 

What Love Language Are You? - I took the quiz and got "quality time" but then I knew that. Maybe I'll just start having every man I date take this quiz. Haha.

Films By and About Women - I'm going to see a 'Woman Centric' film this weekend (Snow White and the Huntsman). What are you seeing?

Design Construction

Please forgive me these next few days as I try to find a new blog template design I like. With so many changes happening in my life lately I thought a blog facelift might be in order too. Please forgive the ever changing design and keep your fingers crossed I find one I like soon.

All my blogging best,
Ms. Morgan

Summer Time Give Away!!

I'm excited for summer and with this excitement I wanted to tell you about a fun summer time give away happening over at iz originals.

Iz has "teamed up with Megan and her Etsy shop Suster Woodworks for this great giveaway. The lucky winner will receive a $20 credit towards anything in Suster Woodworks Etsy shop. She makes all of her driftwood art from locally sourced Southern California beaches. What says summer better than drift wood?"

These are the two pieces I'm in love with

and

Both pieces I can soooo see in my new office space.

What are you waiting for. Go visit Iz Originals and enter to win your own drift wood art piece.

Scare of a Lifetime

Yesterday I had the scare of a lifetime. 

I got a call from my mother's employer telling me she was on her way to the hospital via ambulance.

All her boss told me was that my mom had been feeling very ill and they had called 911. My mother had requested to be taken to the hospital closes to home but the EMTs were going to check her heart out in the ambulance an decide if they needed to take her to an emergency room closer to her office.

My years of Residential Life and emergency training kicked into gear. I quickly and calmly contacted my local aunt and little sister so we could go to the hospital and be with my mom; called my uncle and aunt in Southern California to let them know what was happening; and reached my older sister before she went to work to let her know.

It wasn't until I was on my way home from seeing my mother and her being admitted into the hospital overnight that it really started to hit me. That's when the shakes happened, I couldn't breathe and I held back tears. 

Her father was only four years older, than she is now, when he died of a heart attack...and this scare made me realize how unprepared I am to lose my mother. I may be nearly 30 but seeing my mother in a hospital bed with wires and tubes monitoring her I felt like a scared little girl not wanting to lose my mommy.

She's home right now, resting. It was just a severe case of dehydration that invoked a diabetic episode. So she's back on a restricted diet and diabetic medication and has an appointment to see her doctor on Monday. I'm glad she's okay and I'm glad she's home. I've now faced the realization of our own mortality and the knowledge that no matter what matters may be in order I'll never be prepared to lose my best friend and mother.