I am not really sure how to start this blog....
I know that this sounds silly and almost conceded but I'm starting to believe that maybe I can be (and am) beautiful. I'm not talking about knowing I'm beautiful on the inside. I'm talking about being seen by others as beautiful. Which is a whole new concept and idea to me. I didn't grow up being told I was beautiful. I was the smart one, the achiever, the teachers pet, a mini-adult any grown up could talk to.
I know it seems silly to complain about this; especially when so many girls these days are growing up thinking they're only accomplishment is their looks, when toddlers clothes look like runway model underwear. But there's the other side of the coin. The little girls like me who never hear/d they were beautiful and have grown up into adults who don't know that they are. That they are worthy of compliments and knowing how to accept these compliments.
Grass is always greener I know but as the sister who is tired of hearing how gorgeous her younger sister is. As the best friend who always felt like the homely brainy one as boys fell at her friends feet. Now that I am (almost) thirty, rejoining the singles world, browsing dating sites and getting emails like: "You're beautiful", "I find you sexy", even "You're gorgeous".... I just am a little overwhelmed I've never heard this before.
It's not an easy thing to hear, say, think or really believe. Not when you've spent practically two decades believing otherwise. Believing that you got lucky to find someone who was willing to go out with you, always having this small voice inside wondering what would happen if someone prettier/skinnier came along.
Don't get me wrong. It's not like I've never received a compliment before. But it's always about someTHING - clothes, accessories, etc.
"I like that dress you're wearing"
"Those are pretty earrings"
"Nice eye makeup"
Never about me. About my person. Always about a product or object I just happen to be the hanger for at the time.
I know through this blog I talk a good game about loving yourself no matter what your size. And that's something I have come to embrace and be okay with over the years... but being comfortable in your own skin and finding that skin beautiful isn't the same thing.
Maybe this is the beginning of a new journey for me. Being able to look at pictures of myself and instead of seeing a plain/boring/nothing special person I'll, I guess, see someone beautiful.
So here's to loving yourself.
Inside and Out.