Friday, June 22, 2012

Big Step Forward

I wanted to share with you all a "big step forward" (relationship wise) I experienced today.

Today I closed the door with The Ex* forever.

I had a busy morning full of meetings and when I returned to the office I had an instant message from him saying hi. We had a few moments of small talk "hi. how are you?" blah blah blah. 

I figured he was the one who messaged me I was going to wait and see what he wanted... silence. 

So I curtly asked him what he wanted. 

Me: "What you don't want to talk to me?"

I told him it wasn't that but that I was confused. I asked him why he was writing me. 

Him: "IDK"

*sigh* 
Okay... fine. 
Leave it to me. 

I then went into how it just hurt too much to talk to him. That we broke up because we wanted different things in life and that I couldn't keep allowing myself to be hurt again and again by us continuing to go back and forth when I knew it would just eventually end in another break up. 

Me: "Does that make sense?"
Him: "No"

*sigh*
Okay... let's try again.
I felt like I was trying to explain this to a child. 


"I want to get married. Have a baby. You don't". I explained (the best I could) that I couldn't be with someone who didn't want the same things in life. 

His response "I don't want to get married or have kids"**

*sigh*
Lord give me patience. 

"I know. Which is why even though I love you I can't keep doing this. We want different things." I then told him I wished him all the best and happiness in the world... and that I loved him. 

Him: "Ok"

And with that I closed the message window and a major chapter in my life. 

*               *               *

The friends I told afterwards were proud of me. 

I'm proud of me too. 

It was one of the hardest things I've had to do... turning and walking away from the man who first helped me realize I should love myself as a plus-size woman. The first (real) relationship I've had since my highschool sweetheart. From a man I could have spent forever with. 

But I know what I want in life and I know that it isn't fair to myself (or him)  to be with someone who fundamentally wants different things. 

So, hopefully this means I can truly move forward. 


Yay me. 

*               *               *





*In the past I've referred to him as "the (ex) BF" but after today, after truly closing the door, he will be known as "The Ex"

**Let me just say that this no marriage tune is a fairly recent development. I've spent three years having this man email, text, message me saying he wanted to marry me, asking me if I wanted to marry him, and straight up proposals. I always told him I wanted him to ask in person. 

5 comments:

  1. Good for you! You know what you want and you're not afraid to do what's best for you. If you were here right now in person, I'd give you the biggest high five.

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  3. yes good for you! YOU deserve someone who adores you and is totally committed!
    just mom talking!

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  4. good for you. it takes a lot to turn away from something you know is not good for you but you love so much. We are proud of you for moving on!

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  5. Yay you :) I'm not quite that strong at this point in my life. But maybe one day. Because I can't keep hoping men will change!

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