Big Step Forward
Today I closed the door with The Ex* forever.
I had a busy morning full of meetings and when I returned to the office I had an instant message from him saying hi. We had a few moments of small talk "hi. how are you?" blah blah blah.
I figured he was the one who messaged me I was going to wait and see what he wanted... silence.
curtly asked him what he wanted.
Me: "What you don't want to talk to me?"
I told him it wasn't that but that I was confused. I asked him why he was writing me.
Leave it to me.
I then went into how it just hurt too much to talk to him. That we broke up because we wanted different things in life and that I couldn't keep allowing myself to be hurt again and again by us continuing to go back and forth when I knew it would just eventually end in
another break up.
Me: "Does that make sense?"
Okay... let's try again.
I felt like I was trying to explain this to a child.
"I want to get married. Have a baby. You don't". I explained (the best I could) that I couldn't be with someone who didn't want the same things in life.
His response "I don't want to get married or have kids"**
Lord give me patience.
"I know. Which is why even though I love you I can't keep doing this. We want different things." I then told him I wished him all the best and happiness in the world... and that I loved him.
And with that I closed the message window and a major chapter in my life.
* * *
I'm proud of me too.
It was one of the hardest things I've had to do... turning and walking away from the man who first helped me realize I should love myself as a plus-size woman. The first (real) relationship I've had since my highschool sweetheart. From a man I could have spent forever with.
But I know what I want in life and I know that it isn't fair to myself (or him) to be with someone who fundamentally wants different things.
So, hopefully this means I can truly move forward.
* * *
*In the past I've referred to him as "the (ex) BF" but after today, after truly closing the door, he will be known as "The Ex"
**Let me just say that this no marriage tune is a fairly recent development. I've spent three years having this man email, text, message me saying he wanted to marry me, asking me if I wanted to marry him, and straight up proposals. I always told him I wanted him to ask in person.