Its been about three weeks since the (ex) BF and I broke up. When we split it was because I was tired of waiting, tired of feeling like my heart was a yo-yo, tired of broken promises and sudden unexpected and unpleasant surprises. It's been far from the breakup experience I expected.
No crying and no tears. Broken hearted feelings haven't really peaked their head.
More anger, frustration, feeling that I'd been blind the last three years. Thinking I'd been misreading signs and mishearing loving phrases.
The day after (?) the BF and I broke up I wrote to a guy I'd met online ("the lawyer"), the last time the BF and I had broken up. The Lawyer pops back into my life occasionally looking for a little hanky-panky. Normally I'm not one to jump into the sack with a man I don't know, but the emotions and anger I was feeling made me think "hey maybe I do need a rebound man".
Well his work takes him traveling and for good or bad wasn't in town the weekend after my relationship crumbled. This last weekend however, The Lawyer finally came home (he lives just over the river in Vancouver).
However, enough time has passed that I'm not looking for a rebound. I'm not looking unemotional physicality. I'm tired of feeling like the only men I attract are the ones who want to get into my pants. I'm ready to feel like someone wants to spend time with me and that it's not just because of my tits and ass.
I'm tired of being someone's now and then and am looking to find someone to be my, and me his, number one. I'm not looking to fall in love again so soon. But just to be treated like a lady and to be made to feel special.
So maybe the concept of a rebound just isn't for me, just as I'm not a one-night stand or booty-call kinda girl.