The Slow Fade

I originally had an idea to write a blog today about how common courtesy and manners (when it comes to rejection) don't seem to exist when it comes to online dating. 

How it apparently is perfectly acceptable to just stop emailing or instant messaging (if you've reached that level) with someone without any communication. No "sorry I've met someone else and we've really hit it off" or "I just don't feel the chemistry. Good luck"...nothing. 

Just silence.

Now I realize that two or three emails and a couple of hours of chatting online doesn't give me any right to feel entitled or have made a strong enough connection to feel "hurt". To me it's just rude. Whatever happened to manners?

Then this morning I was reading A Cup of Jo and she wrote about "The Slow Fade" ... when you just stop calling someone back, not answering their calls, etc after you've gone out for a few dates/hookups/etc.

People do this in real life too?

Nothing against Joanna - she even says she only did it when she was younger and now is happily married. 

But it made me realize that this isn't just a "young and stupid" (read: asshole) thing people do. It's still happening and I just don't understand. 

No. No one likes rejecting others (okay usually people don't enjoy rejecting others) and vice verse no one likes being rejected.


That doesn't mean that politeness, communication and courtesy needs to be thrown out the window and you can just disappear into the morning mist. 

Grow a set of balls/ovaries and just say you're not interested. Sheesh. It's not that hard.


  1. it saves us all from akward moments. just think about it, someone you chatted with for hours online, was probably chatting with others and assumed you were doing the same... I dunno, I'd rather the slow fade.


    1. I get that. I do. When you're chatting with multiple people you go with who you connect more with. I guess I'm more pissed at the ones who say "Can I talk to you tomorrow?" and then don't. The ones where you think you're hitting it off amazingly and then just *poof*. At least sign off with a generic "Nice talking to you". There needs to be a universal code word since "thanks but no thanks" appears to be too hard.

  2. I totally understand the up front "I'm not interested" but I think we are just so afraid to reject someone and feel uncomfortable. Not to say it makes it right or fair, but it definitely sucks either way. I've been on both ends and it never feels good.


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