No. I don't mean Twilight as in Team Jacob vs Team Edward (I'm all for Team Alice). I mean Twilight Zone - third dimensions, up is down, humans with cat heads kind of Twilight Zone.
The way I put it to my BFF this morning is that I feel like I'm in an emotional twister and it's just spit me out in Ex-land.
Toto. I have a feeling we're not in Kansas anymore.
If you've been following me along you'll know the BF has become the Ex; and that the Ex contacted me a few weeks ago. Well he did it again last night.
On my way home I get a text message from him (yea, I will admit his phone number is still in my contacts but I would have recognized his number anyway). He said he was coming to Portland in August and wanted to know if we could "hang out". I asked him why he was coming to Portland.
"To see you and explore the city more"
WTF?! If you wanted to see me and explore the city more maybe you shouldn't have snuck away and moved after less than a month!
|^ BFF threat|
Now before any of you start yelling at me about seeing him at dinner. Don't worry I already got an earful and a threat from the BFF this morning. Besides it took me three years to get this man to come visit me in Portland (on my dime btw) I know there's a better chance of me REALLY being swooped up by a twister than him ACTUALLY coming to Portland and seeing me.
Anyway, back to the story. So when I told him it would be a platonic get together his response was:
"Why? No kiss?"
Really?! You've got to be fucking kidding me!! Why??!!
Maybe I should have just sent him the link to my blog. Maybe I should have lied and told him I was seeing someone else (it'd only be a 1/2 lie. More on Mr. NJ later). But I didn't. I did my best to spell it out for him:
"Because I'm looking for a lifelong commitment not just someone to have fun with. I can't do put myself through that again."
I never did get a reply.
Maybe that's it.
Maybe he still doesn't get it.
Maybe he thinks I'm too in love with him to ever really turn him away.
Maybe he sees me as his little doormat he can always come back to.
No matter what it is or what he thinks I'm doing what I can to stay strong and move on with my life.
Which brings us to this morning when I woke up to an IM on my phone from Mr. CT. Haven't spoken to him in over a month and then he was very bitter/jaded about how we had ended things (read: my mistake of getting back together with the Ex). He ha just messages me "Good Morning" and hasnt responded to my reply.
But really? Mercury goes into retrograde and suddenly I'm flooded with my past love affairs. This is taking it a little far and too literal for me Mercury. I've looked inward. I'm moving forward. Now let's knock this crap off please.