Is this is not a Halloween themed post folks. We're going to deviate from the holiday festivities and jump back into reality a little.
I am 118 days away from being thirty and while most days I'm happy with my life I can't help but feel occasionally that I'm missing out on things.
Its not a career.
I have a good job. I enjoy what I do (most days) and enjoy the people I work with. I've only been with the school two years and have already been promoted to Assistant Director. I start trainings tomorrow to groom me for the step up to Director in (less than) a year from now. I'm getting the experiences and knowledge/titles under my belt I need and want. I'm right on track (if not ahead if the game) for someone in my field, my education background and my age.
Its not my education.
I'm very happy with the Bachelors I have and the school I attended. I was able to focus on a field that I am passionate about. And I'm sure having a degree in Unity in Diversity helped me in getting the position at work of Assistant Director of Student Life & Inclusion. Yes, I've thought about going back to school and getting my Masters but mostly because I know it'd help advance me professionally. I just haven't found the right program as of yet.
It's not my love life.
Although having the man I'm dating not be 3,000 miles away in New Jersey would be nice. But we're making it work. We talk on (almost) a daily basis. We video chat. We know we love each other (<- we'll come back to this on another post) and are just trying to make the long distance work for the time being. We both have careers in our respective cities and just trying to balance work and life/love.
I think I know what it is....
It's having a family.
I know it sounds silly considering I'm not married, am in a new relationship and don't live on my own...but really, lets be honest none of those are required to start a family. Part of it I guess is I'm tired of hearing how I'm getting "too old".
How women should be done having kids by the time they're in their 30s.
Of hearing things like "why would anyone want to have kids in after 30?"
Last I knew my ovaries weren't shriveling up and becoming mummy dust inside me. I don't think there's been laws past that only women 29 and younger are allowed to reproduce. Last I knew I was still in my "prime" and very capable (both physically and now emotionally/financially) to start a family.
I'm not saying I'm going out and getting knocked up, look into adoption/fostering or even am going to be starting a family any time soon.
I'm tired of seeing friend after friend having kids - let alone seconds and thirds. I know this sounds awful but I'm getting to the point of hiding any and all friends on facebook that have babies or are pregnant because it just makes these feelings I'm having feel worse.
I'm just tired if catching myself watching parents with their kids out in public. Of catching myself smiling like a fool at the way a parent kisses their baby on the head.
Tired of wondering what it would be like to have a family of my own.
I guess for now all I can do is wonder.