Never Had a Second Date

I've never had a second date. Okay, I realize that sounds crazy and weird and unrealistic...but in many ways it's true. 

I am a serial monogamist. I've never done "casual dating" (or at least very well) and my 'relationships' either are my own version of a one-hit-wonder or we go from "how do you do" to "will you marry me" (okay so there hasn't actually been proposals but you get the idea).

Because of this I can't really remember a time when I had an official second date. I've never had the experience of a kiss good night, having him tell me he'll call me later and us actually going out for a second round of getting to know one another better. Or rather I should say a second date with someone who I hadn't already slept with, or considered to be "in a relationship" with.

I guess that's why I'm so nervous this time around.  Starting over is never easy, no matter how old you are or what you're past dating life has looked like. But for me it's been years since the person I've been interested in has lived in the same timezone as me (let alone having us be within driving distance from one another).

So the fact that I have found an attractive, funny, artistic, gentle man who (appears to) wants to go on a second date just baffles me and I feel like I'm back in Junior High folding letters into hearts and asking him to check yes or no.

I'm trying to find that balance between just having a good time ("finding Mr. Right Now instead of Mr. Right" as my BFF says), wanting to see what happens/where this goes (because let's be honest my biological clock ticks louder with every friends' baby announcements and wedding invitations) and not wanting to rush anything and find myself right back where I've been for the last ten years (being blinded by life hopes and oblivious to the jerk in bed next to me).

I'm not even sure anymore what the proper 2nd Date protocol is!!

The last decade or so I've become this independent woman who goes after what she wants and doesn't often take no for an answer. So how is this forceful woman supposed to ask for a 2nd date without seeming pushy or too assertive (and yes, OMG I realize that is all modern society's bullshit they've instilled into me. I realize it, don't like it but still have to process within it).

All I want is a walk in a park, a picnic under a tree, stargazing maybe (although yes, in the PNW I realize I've just reduced my 2nd date options to the few weeks between July 4th and Labor Day when the weather isn't wet and drizzly). That's not the point though. I just want to figure out how to balance going for what I want without jumping into the deep end head first.

I always thought dating was supposed to get easier the older you go. You knew what you wanted. They knew what they wanted and it was just a matter of finding someone whose interests intersected....damnit!


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